"You Got a Mohawk!"

That's what seven-year-old Taury said with matter-of-fact enthusiasm as he pointed at Emily and ran toward her and me as she and I eagerly approached him in front of his home. We were there to pick him and his siblings up for a birthday celebration.

"The kids," as I call them (former neighbors whose family I befriended several years ago), had only met Emily twice before. During those visits she wore her hair just below her ears and above her shoulders in a traditional "feminine" style.

I wondered what the kids would think of her new hairstyle of closely cropped on the sides with a longer strip in the middle dyed neon pink.

Aside from stating the obvious as Taury did, the kids said nothing else about it. Their mother, who styles hair, said to Emily "I like your hair!"

I had invited Emily to join me and the kids for a birthday tradition I started with them two years ago. On their birthdays, the kids get to pick a place they want to go and I take them and their siblings to that place. We've been fishing, roller skating and bowling. On this day, we headed to a local pizza place that has games you play to earn tickets that can be exchanged for prizes. Our time together was like all of our other times together -- filled with conversation, food, music, dancing, hugs and horseplay.

The kids range in age from four years old to 14 years old. Taury is not yet self conscious. He unabashedly asks to be picked up and carried on my hip. He still gives spontaneous kisses to let you know how much he loves you. The older kids are more reserved but they still give and receive hugs. All of the children are nice, curious, kind, gentle, smart and loving.

Watching Taury see Emily reminded me of one of life's basic truths -- love transcends physical forms. Our preferences are, in part, learned. These kids were as open to her on this visit as they were the first time they met her.

Seeing Taury see Emily reminded me of my own response to Emily's mohawk.

Emily and I were on our way to the drive-in movies and were talking about our days with each other. The sky was so beautiful that night that I pulled the car over so we could watch the sun set. Its colors were bright pink and blue and lavender. I had never noticed lavender in a sunset before.

As we continued to drive, Emily told me that she was going to get a mohawk in time for the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival that she was attending. I remember a judgmental thought rise up in me and then pass. Then I remember being curious about her decision. Without me asking, she started to share her fascination with mohawks and the punk culture associated with them.

She said she was going to ask a friend for help to cut her hair and then dye the strip in the middle. After she shared this, the thought arose in me to offer to be that friend. Honestly, I was surprised that I wanted to participate and support this "odd" decision. Then the thought occurred in me that this was Emily's hair and her choice and I was grateful that I could be a part of it and support her in her choice. I wasn't forcing myself to be good or nonjudgmental. I genuinely wanted to participate in the experience.

So I did help her with her hair. The clippers didn't work so she ended up going to a hair salon for the cut. I got to dye the strip pink when she returned.

That evening as we sat across from each other at my dining room table eating dinner, I started to get used to her new appearance. I noticed that I seemed to have had a preference for her old hairstyle, the one I was used to. And I realized that what drew me to her in the first place was her kind, loving, gentle and easygoing spirit. That spirit was still there, of course, inside the woman with the pink mohawk named Emily who I am getting to know.

The only things that were missing that night were my preconceived notions about the type of person who would wear a mohawk and why.

Loving, growing and healing. I can't think of anything more important in relationships.