"It seems like more communication is needed here, not less," my boss said to me today after I asked for her opinion about my idea to bow out of a road trip next week with a colleague. My relationship with this colleague has been tense and competitive for months.
"My presence isn't really needed. I just might be in the way," I explained.
"If you go into your separate corners, things will only get worse," my boss continued. "You taught me that."
It feels easier to run, freeze or hide in situations where I feel uncomfortable. Today I wanted to run from my colleague. What I did instead was to talk to my boss and another boss about my dilemma and ask for their help in deciding what is best for my relationship with my colleague.
What I need to do is talk to my colleague with an open mind and heart before our trip and to really listen to her part of the story. I feel so vulnerable. I don't want to do this. It feels like a risk. I am not in control. What if things get worse and not better as a result of our talk? What if I get defensive? What if I'm open and approach her with good will and her intentions are different? I'm not in control of her or the outcome of our conversation.
So, I'll pray on it, ask for guidance and have the conversation. I'll try to remember while I'm having it that my goal isn't to be right or to win, but to do my part to co-create a new beginning with her.
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