The Color of Love

"The Color of Love: A Mother's Choice in the Jim Crow South," is Gene Cheek's devastating memoir of loss growing up in a poor family that suffered under untreated alcoholism and institutionalized racism and Gene's lifelong pursuit of healing and forgiveness.

Gene's first loss is the emotional loss of his father, Jesse, to alcoholism. Jesse starts drinking soon after Gene is born and except for brief periods of sobriety (up to three months) and periodic attendance at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, Jesse drinks himself to an early death at age 60, but not before he inflicts horrible physical and emotional violence and revenge against Gene and Gene's mother, Sallie (Jesse's wife of 11 years).

Gene's second loss is the loss of his mother to institutionalized racism, personal prejudice and the anti-miscegenation laws of 1960s North Carolina.

When Sallie falls in love with a black man named Tucker and has a child by him, Gene is thrilled to have a baby brother. Jesse, on the other hand, enacts revenge against his former wife by claiming her love for a black man makes her an unfit mother for Gene. Jesse doesn't want to raise Gene himself but initiates a custody battle as his defense against paying child support. The battle lands Gene in a foster home and then a school for boys where he learns to hide his vulnerability and express his fears through violence.

I wept openly from the pain and injustice that racism, personal prejudice and untreated alcoholism caused Gene, his mother and Tucker. Tucker and Sallie eventually married and Tucker was a loving stepfather to Gene. Gene is close to his two half-brothers and their families.

Gene's relationship with his mother remained close throughout his life but it was forever altered that day in the courtroom and the guilt and shame Gene and his mother each had to deal with from that day forward is a heart-wrenching story.

I wish the young Gene and his mother had found Al-Anon because of the way they had been effected by the alcoholism in their family.

As for the institutionalized racism of the day, Gene, Sallie and Tucker had to live through it one painful day at a time. They were uplifted by Rev. Martin Luther King's leadership and the Civil Rights Movement and were inspired by President John F. Kennedy.

In the epilogue, Gene writes, "This book started as an act of vengeance. I wanted revenge on those -- long since gone -- who brought pain to my family and me. It changed from revenge to understanding and then finally to forgiveness. I can't pinpoint the exact time because it moved over me like the changing of a season, slow and deliberate. It wasn't until this process was near the end that I even noticed it, but I am grateful for it.

"I am often asked by those who know me if I can lay this down and move on with my life. It would be nice if I could answer yes, but once again that would be a lie. The truth lies somewhere else. While writing this book, I did gain understanding, and with it came forgiveness, but I have not forgotten. The facts are this will remain a part of my life, as long as there is life. I'm not sure if complete healing is attainable. I don't think that I will ever forget, and I'm not sure that I should."

I agree. Denial of reality isn't helpful. I'm glad that Gene was able to put his experiences into a book and for the healing he has been able to receive.