Emotional Generosity

I was relaxing after dinner watching the NewsHour when unexpectedly, the door bell rang.  I opened the door to the darkened sky and there was T., the 15 year old.  He had made the 15-minute bike ride to my house. 

"Hi, T.," I said as I stood in the doorway in my pjs.  I was looking forward to my evening alone and knew that he wanted something from me.  I didn't feel like giving anything.

"Can you tell me how to get to my Grandma's house?" he asked as he stood in the carport.

I started to give him directions  -- he on one side of the door and me on the other -- and then it hit me.  He was in need of something.  Perhaps he felt lonely.  There were many times when his household was filled with children and teens and no adults.   I am someone he trusts.  I let him in. 

As he sat in the recliner I started to give him directions and then stopped.

"T., it's dark outside and you don't have a light," I said.  "Can your grandma come get you?"

"No," he said.

"Ok, sit down.  I'll give you a ride when Emily comes home with the car.  You can lock your bike up here.  Are you hungry?"

I got him some fruit and yogurt and we talked a little and then I watched tv and he logged onto to Facebook.  We sat in the same room together.

We both smiled when we heard the car pull up and Emily come through the door.  After some  chit-chat we said goodbye to Emily and I drove him where he wanted to go.

Shortly after I arrived home, I received a text from his sister who was still at home alone.  She wanted me to pick her up so she could stay the night.  By this time, my heart was wide open and my plans for the evening discarded.  I had had an inkling earlier that this might happen after T. told me his sister was home alone and didn't want to ride over to my house on bikes. I had left my phone on just in case.

So I got back in the car and picked her up.  She asked me to text her when I arrived so she could meet me in the driveway of their house.

When we got back to my house, I fixed her a snack, we chatted and when it was time for bed, I tucked her in and kissed her on her forehead.

I was glad for what my heart had allowed me to to.  I would like for it to grow in this way. I believe it can and I have been working on it since 2005.

There's a fine balance between giving from the generous supply of love within me and giving from duty or obligation. 

I come from a very practical family.

We try to do things as efficiently as possible and within our means. 

Helping me is the best way my parents know how to demonstrate their love for me.  I have also learned this way of demonstrating love. 

And I have learned that love isn't always practical or efficient.  Sometimes it is better to take the windy road instead of the most efficient road, to pay a little more than to shop for the best bargain and to listen with an open heart than offer "problem-solving advice."

Love doesn't require me to throw myself at another or throw myself away by over giving to another. 

It just requires me to act when it says I can.

I am learning to trust my heart's calling.