Those Three Little Words

“I Need You.”

That’s been hard for me to admit and then say to anyone.

It used to take me so long to recognize my needs, that when I finally did, I would express them as demands on other people. My demands of others were acts of desperation based on neglect of self.

Today, I am much better at recognizing my needs and not being embarrassed about having them.

In this truth and honesty, I can see my interdependence with others and our human condition.

I need a lot of people.

Here’s my list starting with the “easy” ones to identify and working my way up to the still “difficult to admit” ones.

I need the people who grow, harvest, raise, catch, slaughter, package, haul and shelve the food I buy at the grocery store.

I need the people who maintain the roads I drive and bike on, the sidewalks I walk on and the traffic lights that assist us in taking turns.

I need the people who produce the oil and electricity I use at home and at work.

And I need countless other “anonymous” people who do their jobs well so that I can live and work.

I need my co-workers. They join me and inspire me and follow me and lead me and create the conversations and relationships I have most of my waking hours. I love the people I work with.

I need my friends.

I need the people who attend the meetings in my program of spiritual recovery.

I need God’s unconditional love and guidance in my life. It’s been two years since I started reaching out to God and practicing talking to God. I’ve purposefully sought out books and people, lesbians in particular, who have a strong belief and good relationship with God to teach me how to talk to God and how to experience God’s love for me. Now that I have God in my life, I am unashamed to say I need God in my life. God is the one friend I talk to each day, every day and several times a day.

I need the woman in my life who is giving me love, affection, friendship and companionship. This is the most difficult need to admit. I have been emotionally hurt in romantic relationships and have hurt others. Romantic intimacy is difficult for me. I am taking baby steps and she is patient.

Little by little I am embracing the grace that shows up in my life giving me the courage to trust. The result is a sweet and gentle experience of humility.

I am learning to be more truthful and honest and in that truth and honesty I am becoming more humble, more gentle and more loving.

I need you.