"Happiness Only Real When Shared"

So wrote 24-year-old Chris McCandless in his journal just before dying alone in the Alaskan wilderness after having survived there for more than 112 days. His body was found by moose hunters in the abandoned bus he made his Alaskan home.

Cause of death: he may have starved or he may have mistakenly eaten poison berries. No one knows for sure.

Chris' life is chronicled in the movie, "Into the Wild," and is based on his journal entries. Jon Krakauer wrote a book about Chris' life and Sean Penn turned it into the movie I saw tonight.

After graduating college in the early 1990s, Chris gave all his savings away ($24,000+), abandoned his plan to attend Harvard and headed for Alaska. His parents and sister never heard from him again. He met a lot of wonderful people along the way whom he stayed with during his two years on the road before getting to Alaska.

Chris was hurt by the context of the family life in which he grew up and the hypocrisy he saw in the relationship between his parents. Chris desired to be in the world in a way that hurts no one.

The people Chris meets attach to him more deeply than he attaches to them. He appreciates them and they expose him to a life different than he has lived, but his drive to make it to Alaska is strong and he doesn't stay too long in any one place. Everyone is kind to Chris with the exception of the man who violently throws him off a train and beats him for stealing a ride in a box car.

One man Chris meets tells him that forgiveness is an act of love and that God shines a light on those who love. This man's wife and only child were killed years earlier by a drunken driver.

Some people, when wounded, become loners. Others devote themselves to a cause. I am reminded of the film, "Grizzly Man," the true story of Timothy Treadwell. Timothy lived in Alaska for 13 seasons among grizzly bears to protect them from hunters until he and his companion, Amie Huguenard, were killed by a grizzly. "Grizzly Man" was made from films Timothy made while in Alaska.

"Into the Wild" ends with a self-portrait of a smiling Chris in front of his Alaskan bus. The picture was discovered in a roll of undeveloped film in Chris' belongings. It was taken when he was still quite strong physically. Chris attempts to leave Alaska but the waters he crossed are now too high and too swift and he writes in his journal, "I'm trapped in the wild."

Chris' death reminds me that I have a belief that there is only one acceptable way to die: of old age in my sleep. Death any other way is a tragedy. I don't believe that anymore. We are all going to die. It's painful to think there's only one "good" or "right" way to do it.

I've been a loner. And I've been involved in social justice causes most of my adult life.

For myself, if I am really honest about it, I am more afraid of living than dying. Living involves relationships, responsibilities, hurts, false beliefs and disappointments. It also involves laughter, joy, risk and the opportunity to love and be loved.

Reciprocal love and intimacy are scary for me. You can take your love away from me. It feels safer for me to love you.

"Into the Wild" is, for me, another sacred text. It reminds me to keep on gently trying.

And I believe that Chris was right, "Happiness only real when shared."