I just finished reading Rachel Reiland's hopeful memoir, Get Me Out Of Here: My Recovery From Borderline Personality Disorder (bpd). I never new until recently that mental illness could be cured. Now I am inspired to learn more about bpd from those who have recovered.
Borderline personality disorder is an often misunderstood form of mental illness characterized by fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, rage, self-hatred, self-destructive behavior, suicidal threats and thoughts, mood swings and black-and-white thinking.
There are many different types of bpd and the symptoms vary depending on the person. Some people with the illness are high functioning and hold down jobs and maintain relationships and others can't hold down a job and/or spend time in and out of institutions before they are healed. Some, as with any illness or disease, do not heal and recover.
Common forms of treatment include psychotherapy and dialectical behavioral therapy (dbt) in a group setting where the person learns how to regulate her emotions, tolerate distress instead of acting out and become effective at interpersonal relationships.
Rachel was institutionalized three times and underwent intense therapy with a psychiatrist three times a week for four years (in the fourth year she reduces her therapy to twice a week and eventually once a week) before she felt healed. Eight years later she wrote her book.
What's so hopeful about her book and the resources it references (some are listed at the end of this blog) is the fact that recovery is possible. One bpd website defines recovery as "happy, healthy living." For Rachel, recovery is long lasting emotional stability and peace of mind.
In the last sentence of her memoir, Rachel writes:
"Most important, the reason I wrote this book is to serve as proof that miracles do happen, that love can and does heal wounds, that there is hope for those with the courage and fortitude to seek healing."
Love.
Courage.
Fortitude.
Healing.
For me, these four words are the essence of real hope. Spirit-transforming hope.
On the last day of her therapy session with Dr. Padgett,the two say goodbye to each other as adults. Their goodbye embodies the love, courage and fortitude necessary for their transformation to have taken place. I reprint the text below:
"You know," I said, voice choked, "the irony is that all this therapy has brought us so close only to have to say goodbye...I want you to know, though, that I consider you to be a lot more than a therapist. I consider you a father, a friend. If circumstances were different, I would never let a person like you slip out of my life."
He nodded, for a moment unable to speak. Then he said, "I feel the same way about you, Rachel. You're an exceptional person, and it's been an honor to know you and have you as part of my life. I'll miss you too."
"Sometimes," I said, reaching for another tissue, "I feel like I've taken so much more than I've given in this relationship. I wish there was something I could give you back."
"What makes you think you haven't given me anything? What greater satisfaction is there for a parent than watching his lessons be learned, watching his little girl grow up to be a beautiful woman, someone who makes him beam with pride?"
My tears flowed again.
"But if you were my real father, we'd be entering the next phase of life. I'd return the love by supporting you as you grow older. Visiting you. Bringing the grandchildren. Taking care of you when you get really old. You know, Dr. Padgett, I would do anything for you, anything in the world. If you ever called on me, I'd be there in a heartbeat."
"I know you would. And just knowing that you feel that way, knowing that you would, is a gift in itself. You've returned the love by meeting the challenge, by facing the changes, by never giving up. You return it by sharing it with your husband, your children, the people you know, and the people you'll meet.
"Believe me, Rachel, in many ways I've gained as much from this relationship as you have. You've learned from me, but I've learned from you, too."
Some resources on borderline personality disorder:
Borderline Personality Disorder Recovery
www.bpdcentral.com
Helen's World of BPD Resources
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
2 comments:
Dear Kimberlie,
I first read Rachel Reiland's book, about 5 years ago, shortly after I was diagnosed with BPD. Her story gave me hope; so much that when I finally reached my own happy ending (after years of therapy and hard work) I felt the need to reach out to those who were just beginning their own journey. I was deep into the self-injury aspect of the disorder, so I decided to write my story; not to replace Rachel's, but to add another perspective to this devastating disorder. The title "Instead He Sent Me Angels" comes from the result of my Prayer For Death (as I took an overdose intended to kill me.) You can "peek" inside the book at Amazon if you're interested. I wish you good health and happiness. Sincerely, Terresa Anderson
Hi,
I have never written anything on here before.
All I can say is that BPD is painful, and very difficult to get through.
I am just in the beginning of my journey for therapy.
Her book really helped me, and it gives me hope that one day I can fully take care of myself, and not need to hurt myself.
BPD is real, for all those that think it is just a made up thing.
It includes real feelings deep inside, that create suicidal ideation and self-harm, as well as promiscuity and sexual impulsivity.
I am suffering from it now, every single day is hard.
But I still continue on, because there are people that have survived it, and I hope to be one of those too.
Post a Comment